Star Yecch! Wars Part 9

HAN: Shit! The Imperial Guards are coming! Everybody: get on board! Quick!!

The crew scrambled aboard and took positions throughout the cabin. Han and Chewie worked together like one being, readying the craft for takeoff. Outside his window, Luke spied several Imperial Guards entering the hangar. With a cold feeling in his guts, Luke recognized their insignia.

LUK: Holy crap! Those are the same guards that attacked me in the valley!
BEN: Hmmm. Not the same guards, but from the same unit. It appears Lord Vader has no intentions of stopping his pursuit. It would be beneficial, Mr. Gover, if you expedited our escape.
BRF: Yes,..and a quick launch will help, as well.
BEN: Mr. Updike,...
UPD: So we sacrificed intellect for brute strength! Sue me!

Chewie signaled (all right, growled) to Han that the engines had sufficiently warmed up. With laser fire glancing off the ship's hull, the Centennial Sparrow launched through the hangar.

CHW: Awrgh! Hrooaw!
HAN: Yeah, I know, Chewie! Another 6,000 I.C. down the drain! Prepare for light speed!
BEN: You shall be properly compensated when this adventure is over.
HAN: How? Sell more Cocainamine?
BEN: No, Mr. Gover. The Knights have moved on to a newer funding venture.
HAN: Like what,...drug rehab?
BEN: No. We follow the advice of a great, ancient Get-High master. We have begun "merchandising."
CHW: Rut-roh!
HAN: Oh, shit! I've got Imperial fighters on my ass! Hang tight, I'll try to out-maneuver them!
UPD: Let me try hailing my ship. We could use the firepower! Barf?
BRF: I have activated the distress beacon, sir. We should receive confirmation, shortly.
CHW: Agoroo! Ruuaw!
HAN: An escape pod?? Chewie, I don't have the time to investigate it!
CHW: Baroo! Chee! Chee!
HAN: You're detecting a life form?
LUK: Maybe its the princess!
HAN: What??
LUK: I can't explain it, but I'm getting a weird feeling about that pod!
BEN: Hmmm. Perhaps the boy is right. Master Gover, you must retrieve that pod!
HAN: But I'm approaching ludicrous speed! If I stop now, the Imperial fighters'll blast us to space dust!

With the balance of the crew browbeating him and Updike and Barf trying to understand the concept of "ludicrous" speed, Han quickly made a mental debate.

HAN: Dammit! Alright! Chewie, make a V-pass maneuver, then drop out of light speed.
CHW: Rawww,...ruts!

As the Wookie made the crafty move, the Imperial fighters blasted past them. Han smiled and turned back to Ben.

HAN: It'll take them about twenty minutes to drop out and turn around! That should buy us time. Chewie, you and the Klingon head for the cargo bay. I'll use the magnetic grappler and guide that thing in here.
BRF: Aye, sir.
LUK: Is there anything I can do, Mr. Gover?
HAN: Yeah,..sit down and stay out of trouble! If this turns into a wild ptarmigan hunt, you'll be Chewie's next meal!

As Luke melted into the background, Han, with Updike's assistance, carefully dragged the pod into the cargo bay. Barf hailed them.

BRF: The pod is secure, Commander.
UPD: Anything inside?
BRF: Standby. The walking rug is extricating the contents, now.
CHW: Ao-oor! Narf!

Back at the command cabin, Updike winced at both his subordinate's remark and Han's reaction. Before anybody could react, the sounds of a scuffle broke over the intercom, followed by a woman screaming.

UPD: Barf, what's happening?
BRF: Chewie is "assisting" a young woman from inside the pod.

Luke beamed with smug satisfaction. Ben appeared to be relieved.

LUK: Ben, you look relieved.
BEN: Do not push your luck, Young Luke,. I know that you read this in the previous narration. Han, I must speak with her.
HAN: Go ahead, be my guest.
BEN: Young lady, are you the Princess Liyar?
LYR: I sure am! And what took you so long?? Do you know how cramped those escape pods are? Oy!! My hair!! And wait until the Resistance hears about this!!

Ben turned away from the communications console and shook his head. Updike took note of his expression.

BEN: (sighing) It is exactly as I feared!
UPD: What? What??
HAN: We've rescued a Shrewish Princess!

Hearing the conversation, Barf commented:

BRF: Odd,...she does not bear the appearance of a shrew!
UPD: Barf, please bring "Her Majesty" to the conn.
BRF: Aye, sir.

As Liyar was "escorted" to the command cabin, she shouldn't help but feel like this was deja vu all over again. The relief she felt over being reunited with her old family friend tempered her indignation over her confinement. When she met Ben, the two embraced for several long moments. After finally parting, the Princess broke down.

BEN: Liyar, are you all right?
LYR: No, Ben, actually, I'm half left,...but that's important right now!
BEN: Ah-hemmm! Then you are uninjured?
LYR: I'm fine, but,...oh, Ben! Vader used the Imperial Genocide Star on my world! Everyone's dead!
BEN: (sighing) Oh, my. It is just as I feared.
UPD: What is this "Genocide Star?"
BEN: It is a multi-phase disrupter designed to bring the Resistance-allied planets to their knees. The Resistance has know of this for quite some time, but I did not think Vader's lackeys had advanced the technology quite so fast.
UPD: By the Gods!
BEN : You know of this device?
BRF: My people, the Klingons, were working on a similar project when Praxis exploded. Given the circumstances, the project was abandoned. Commander, the Boobyprize must be advised of this.
UPD: Yes, Barf, when we get back. Ben, just who is this "Lord Vader?"

Ben turned away from them for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He turned back with a grim look.

BEN: Once, Vader was among the noblest of the Get-High Knights. For him, the drug trade wasn't enough. He began using his products and soon he was seduced by the Dark Side. He was banned from the Order and joined up with our rivals, the Deddov Knights. Their evil knows no bounds. As the Emperor consolidated his power, he recruited Vader as his enforcer. Vader lost most of his hearing during a clandestine attack on a Resistance stronghold, hence the appellation "Deaf Vader."
UPD: Ugh! That's enough to make even a Romulan shudder.
HAN: A Romulan shutter? Is that anything like a Venetian blind?
UPD: Oh,..very funny.
BEN: Gentlemen, please! This is not the time for levity!
LYR: Ben, what became of my droid?
UPD: We have possession of him, Your Highness. As well as a second droid, IM1-RU2.
LYR: Is it functioning, Commander...?
UPD: Commander Uptight,..I, I mean, Updike, ma'am. I'm afraid the droid was damaged in transit, but I believe our Engineering Department was rebuilding it.

The twosome locked gazes, briefly. A beep from the communications board interrupted their reverie.

BRF: Commander, the Boobyprize is hailing us, sir.
UPD: Uh,..very good, Barf. Give them our transporter coordinates and update the Captain.
BRF: Aye, sir.
UPD: Han, you'll come amidships?
HAN: If I want to collect on this, sure.