Star Yecch! Boobyprize Chapter 1

Captain's Log: April 3, 2155:

I have been urgently summoned to the offices of the Earthfleet Admiralty. From the sound of her voice, Admiral April-Lynn Parris was clearly upset by something, probably caused by the Vulcans yet again.

I hope this isn't another attempt by those pointy-eared bastards to stall our inter-galatic exploration program again!

Captain Archway entered Admiral Parris' office to find her sitting at her desk, flanked by several sour-looking Vulcans. Her expression was a mix of irritation and worry, something Archway had never seen before. He saluted and was motioned to take a seat across from the Admiral.

APL: Jonathan, allow me to make the introductions.....

One of Vulcans stepped forward and spoke without preamble.

STD: I am S'Toned.
ARC: As always, I see, Ambassador.
APL: Jonathan!
STD: This is Commander S'Mack of the Vulcan Science Academy and Sub-Commander T'Art of the Vulcan Defense Fleet.
ARC: A pleasure, as always, Ambassador. So,..what do they say we did wrong this time, Admiral?
APL: I'm afraid recent events have forced us to move up the timetable on the Trans-Galactic Initiative.
ARC: How so?

The Admiral directed Archway to a viewscreen on the wall. A picture appeared of a large, swarthy male with a bony forehead. Data scrolled under the picture and several thumbnails showed the same person on a stasis bed, under heavy guard, in Starfleet's Medical Center. Admiral Parris continued.

APL: The Vulcans tell me this is called a "Klingot." He crashed last week in Iowa. The Press Corps is spinning the story for the time being.
STD: Forgive me, Admiral, but he's called a "Klingon."
APL: I stand corrected, Ambassador.
STD: As always, Admiral.
ARC: (chuckling) I always thought Klingons were only found around Uranus!
TRT: The Klingon Empire has not yet made a presence in this solar system, Captain.
STD: The captain is trying to use humor to defuse this situation, Sub-Commander.
TRT: Yes,..humor,..it is a common emotion among humans. It is difficult to understand. Its lack of logic contains many idiots.
STD: Idioms, T'Art.
TRT: Yes, those as well.
APL: Can we get back to the matter at hand?
STD: Surely, Admiral.
APL: And don't call me "Shirley," S'Toned.
ARC: What significance does this "Klingon" have to the Extragalatic Expedition, Admiral?
APL: I'll let Commander S'mack answer that one, Jonathan.

S'Mack walked over to the viewscreen and loaded his presentation.

SMK:With the help of local Earth forces, we retrieved what remained of the Klingon's ship. From the debris, it appears to be a single-person transporter, suggesting he is a courier. We have also examined his belongings: his uniform also bore the insignia of an Imperial courier and he was carrying a data crystal using a standard Klingon Imperial Stellar Forces encryption. From this data, we have concluded that the Klingon was transferring data vital to the Empire.
ARC: OK,..to what end? As the Sub-Commander stated, these Klingons have no business with Earth.
TRT: That is incorrect, Captain. I stated the Klingons have not yet made a presence in this solar system.
ARC: Details,..
APL: We believe the Klingons are spying on us and this courier was sending back surveillance information to their Empire.
ARC: Spying? To what end?
SMK: The most logical reason would be to further expand their empire. They are a race of warriors. Logically, with Earth dabbling in warp-field technology, their curiosity has been aroused.
APL: "Dabbling....?"
ARC: "Dabbling??" My father worked himself to death putting the Trans-Galactic Initiative on track! How dare you insult his memory like this!

A quick cacophony of arguments ensued. Parris, annoyed enough by the Vulcans' presence, slammed her fist down on the table to bring everyone back to her attention.

APL: ENOUGH!! Bickering isn't going to solve this problem. S'Mack,..what plans do you have?
SMK: With the help of the medical team, we plan to interrogate the Klingon.
APL: Will that work?
TRT: Klingons are known for their stubborn nature. Any interrogation will require some degree of,..
SMK: T'Art! We are not to speak of that in front of outworlders!
TRT: Understood.

Admiral Parris and Captain Archway exchanged quizzical asides.

TRT: Admiral, it was my understanding that your medical team has cleared the prisoner for interrogation?
APL: Well,..Dr. Flummox says he's stable, but beyond that, I don't know about his ability to stand,..
TRT: Then I will begin the interrogation shortly.

With that, the Vulcan contingent exited without comment. Archway, able to read the Admiral's expression, followed them through the halls of Starfleet Headquarters to the Medical Unit. There, Archway spotted the "Klingon" lying supine on a medical table. A strange-looking, spotted humanoid attended to him. Archway recognized him as a member of the Medical Xeno-Biologic Fellowship, a group formed by the Terran and Vulcan Medical Association to prepare Starfleet physicians for the non-humans they would eventually encounter in space.

ARC: Are you Doctor Flummox?
FMX: Yes. May I ask who you are?
ARC: I'm Captain Jonathan Archway and this is,...
FMX: ...Sub-Commander T'Art. Yes, I've received communiques from her about the Klingon for several days, now.
TRT: And for several days, you have obstructed our investigation into this incident, Doctor.
FMX: Because, Sub-Commander, it is impossible to interrogate an unconscious person!
TRT: Vulcans have ways of overcoming that obstacle.
ARC: Really? I thought S'Mack instructed you not to speak of that in front of us "outworlders."
TRT: I have not. I merely stated that fact that Vulcans possess the capability to overcome this obstacle.
FMX: Dear Captain, you'll have a better debate with a brick wall than a Vulcanian.
ARC: I see, Doctor.
TRT: Shall we commence the debriefing?

Flummox simply shook his head and went back to the Klingon. He quickly injected the Klingon with a stimulant and stood back. After several tense moments, the Klingon awoke and began to growl and struggle against his restraints.

KLG: nuqneH?
TRT: Pong soH?
KLG: tlhIngan Hol Dajatlh'a'!
TRT: Viyaj.
KLG: Maavik jIH. Cozaar quv, Aventis vaS!

T'Art turned to Archway and translated.

TRT: He says he is Maavik, the son of Cozaar, of the House of Aventis.
KLG: Maavik jIH!
TRT: 'urwI' qar'a'?
KLG: Grrrr,...SuvwI'yIH!
TRT: He says he is not a spy, but a warrior. This is a typical response for a Klingon.
KLG: Maavik jIH! SuvwI'yIH! Maavik jIH! SuvwI'yIH! Maavik jIH! SuvwI'yIH! Sto-Vo-Kor ghoS yIH!

Suddenly, the Klingon went into a seizure and collapsed. Flummox and a medical team worked feverishly on him for several minutes while Archway sweated and T'Art stood still and composed.

FMX: I'm,...sorry, Captain. He's dead!
ARC: Was that a "typical Klingon response, too?"
TRT: The Klingon philosophy is to die honorably rather than submit to what they consider "inferiors." Sto-Vo-Kor is analogous to your "heaven."
ARC: "Inferiors," meaning us? Humans?
TRT: All non-Klingons.

Archway walked over to a comm panel on the wall.

ARC: Archway to Admiral Parris: we have a problem.
APL: A problem? What is it?
ARC: An unforeseen impediment to our progress, Admiral, but that's not important right now.

As Archway was berated by the Admiral for his latest bon mot, T'Art withdrew a communicator from her cloak and contacted her superiors.

TRT: O'S'Mack,...Kh'Lingoon, y'motal.
SMK: Tevakh? Ripabukh-yehat.
TRT: Ri'Taldor gisam, ne'angum annem-torem.
SMK: Ha, vun'etek dvun-tor sahrisau luf'T'Kh'Lingoon.
TRT: Ha. E'Var-tor'allo dan-neruk'komihn duhsut.
SMK: Te'Kahrtau'lleush ovsot'nam.

T'Art returned the communicator to her cloak. Without further comment, she returned to the Admiral's office, with a quizzical Archway in tow. Moments later, she entered the Admiral's office, barely acknowledging Archway's presence.

ARC: Sub-Commander, what was that all about?
TRT: Admiral, we must move up the Trans-Galactic Initiative. Your use of warp technology must not return to Qonos.
APL: Jonathon, how soon can you be ready?
ARC: Well,...Quint's already on-board, testing the warp drive,...most of the support staff has been installing fixtures for weeks. I need some expendable extras,....I'll have to call up some of the others. And my communications officer is still in Brazil, ma'am! I'll need to send her a wire. Can I use your dictaphone?
APL: No, you may not! You'll use your fingers like everyone else,....and, your suggestion is actually anatomically impossible.
ARC: (muttering) Not from I've heard,...
APL: Archway!!

A chirp from T'Art's communicator saved Archway from a probable demotion. T'Art again conversed in Vulcan, then turned back to the Admiral.

TRT: Admiral, our sensors are picking up a stellar object at the edge of your solar system. Logic suggests this may be the Klingon's home ship or contact vessel.
APL: Jonathan, get your ass in gear, now!
ARC: Aye, sir,..ma'am,..sir!

And meanwhile, at the edge of the Sol system, a larger ship dropped out of warp.