Star Yecch! Wars Part 13

Luke quickly exited the cave and made for the Centennial Sparrow. Much to his surprise, a squadron of Federation expendable extras had joined into the fray and was making headway against Vader's men. As Vader sounded the retreat, Luke scrambled into Han's ship, stumbling into Princess Liyar. Moments later, Han, Barf, and Chewie followed suit.

HAN: Quick, Chewie, fire up the ion drive!
CHW: Aarroogh!
BRF: I have contacted the Boobyprize, Han. They say they are battling Vader's flagship and suggest we should escape into orbit around this planet's moon until the battle ends.
HAN: Bullshit! Now, this thing's gotten personal! I want a piece of that asshole as much as the next guy!

As the Centennial Sparrow rushed from the surface of the planet, the Boobyprize engaged Vader's ship in a tremendous dogfight.

UPD: Aroof! Bark! Bark! Arf!
DLD: Oh, now stop doing that, Number Two! It's just plain silly!
UPD: But the narrative said,...
YO: Sir, Vader's shuttle is trying to make it back to the main ship!
DLD: Target phasers on that ship!
IPT: I, I do not believe that is necessary, sir. The Centennial Sparrow is pursuing Vader's ship.
DLD: Dammit! I gave Barf strict orders to retire from this battle! The Princess is on board. Yo, hail them!
YO: Aye, sir.
UPD: Sir, the shuttle has made it back! Vader's ship is withdrawing!
DLD: Affirmative, Number Two. Yo, belay that order and instruct the Sparrow to rendezvous with us. Input, plot a pursuit course.
YO/IPT: Aye, sir.

As Han came amidships, the Boobyprize beamed Liyar, Luke and Barf back on board. Dildeaux made for Sickbay to greet them. Dr. Chestercrusher greeted the anxious Captain as he entered the room.

CSH: Relax, Jean-Luc! They're all fine. Just some minor bruises and such.
DLD: Great news, Beverly. And what of Barf?
CSH: Klingon stubbornness to the nth degree. Refuses to let me touch him.
DLD: Fine. As you were, Beverly.

Dildeaux made his way to Barf's gurney while Beverly slipped back into her Venusian Secrets lingerie. Seeing his commander, Barf rose from the table.

DLD: Mr. Barf, what happened?
BRF: Mr. Gover chose to pursue Vader, like a true Klingon!
DLD: Hmmm. I'll take that up with him later. For now, I need a quick debriefing from you before we catch up with Vader's ship.
BRF: Aye, sir.

Barf quickly relayed the events in Yogurt's cave.

DLD: (sighing) I regret the loss of Mr. Cannoli, Barf, but his sacrifice did buy time for the rest of you.
BRF: Grrr. Ben Cannoli may have been a drug smuggler, but his spirit was much like a true Klingon. If I may speak freely, sir, I may,...enjoy,...this sector of space.
DLD: Well, Mr. Barf, don't get too comfortable! We'll get back to federation space, yet!

Barf and Dildeaux continued to walk to the Captain's Ready Room, where Luke and the Princess were waiting for their arrival. Princess Liyar sat quietly in a chair, while Luke, standing by a porthole, gazed out at the stars. Both rose and gathered with the Captain at his briefing table.

DLD: Luke, did you get the schematics?
LUK: Uh,...yeah, Captain. Yogurt handed them to me when he gave me Ben's light cutlass.
DLD: Oh, yes. I'm very sorry for your loss, Luke.
LUK: When I get the chance, Captain, I'm going to kill that bastard!!
LYR: Luke,! Please!! We all miss him, but we need to think about the Resistance first!
BEN: (She's right, Young Luke. Vengeance is not always the way of a Knight.)
LUK: What did you say, Captain?
BEN: (My body is gone, Luke, but my spirit will guide you. It is as Yogurt said. It is the way of the Knights.)
LUK: There! I heard it again!
DLD: Luke, nobody has spoken in the past few moments but you. Are you feeling well?
LYR: Maybe in all the excitement, Luke, you banged your head.
LUK: No, Your Highness! I'm hearing voices in my head!
DLD: You, too?? I've heard them for quite some time.
LUK: Yeah? Do they sound like someone you know?
DLD: Sometimes,....and at other times they sound like little elves chattering in a meadow, and,...
BRF: A-hemmm!
DLD: Oh, sorry, Luke. I didn't mean to go on like that.
BRF: Captain, would you like me to page the doctor? I believe it is time for your lithium injection, sir.
DLD: Dammit, Barf, not you, too! Everybody talks to himself or herself from time to time! After all, the strain of command, the constant backstabbing,...
LYR: I,...er,...think we should get back to the matter at hand, gentlemen. The Captain's mental health concerns can wait until we stop Vader's war effort. And please, Captain, could you stop rolling those ball bearings around in your hand?? They're giving me a headache!

Updike happened into the Ready Room as Dildeaux was dissolving into his Queeg-like persona.

UPD: Losing it again, sir?
DLD: No, Number Two,..and wipe that feces-eating grin off your face! I have everything under control! I'm in charge here!
UPD: Yes, Captain. Barf, add "Al Haig Syndrome" to the list for Dr. Chestcrusher.
BRF: Aye, sir.
DLD: Number Two! Did you come in here just to annoy me, or are you going to contribute to this plan?
UPD: Well, sir,..since you put it that way...
DLD: Oh, never mind! Just sit down and go over these schematics.

Over the next hour, the group pored over the Genocide Star's plans. Ideas were proffered and withdrawn over again. Finally, a consensus was reached.

DLD: Very well, gentlemen,...and lady. That settles it. Barf, signal Mr. Gover of our plan.
BRF: Aye, sir.
DLD: Number Two, assemble an Away Team and beam back to the Centennial Sparrow as soon as possible.
UPD: Aye, sir.
LUK: Captain, permission to accompany Commander Updike?
DLD: Well,...
UPD: Sir, it is quite possible that we may return to our own timeline after this. Having Luke and the Princess on board could complicate matters.
DLD: Very good, Number Two. Point well taken.
UPD: Thank you, sir! You know, sir, I have a few other suggestions that I...
DLD: Don't let an errant cerebral fart go to your head, Number Two!
UPD: Yes, sir.

Several minutes later, the Captain greeted the Away Team in the transporter room. In the uneasy tension growing before the mission, he expected to speak with the team.