Star Yecch! Wars Part 14

DLD: Barf, where's the rest of Commander Updike's team?
BRF: They are assisting Georgi and Input down in the shuttle bay. They are retrofitting the phaser cannon and photon launchers onto a shuttlecraft.
DLD: Very good, Barf.
BRF: Sir, the Centennial Sparrow is hailing us with the ready signal.
DLD: Affirmative. Begin beaming over the team and alert Updike.
BRF: Aye, sir.

Turning to Luke and Liyar, Dildeaux offered some words of comfort.

DLD: Luke, take courage. Ben was not the only one who saw great potential in you.
LUK: Thank you, Captain, but do you really think this will all work out for the better?
DLD: Of course, Luke. No great science fiction franchise ever failed to let an underdog hero vanquish a stronger opponent. Besides, somebody has to keep old Yogurt's merchandising business in operation!
LUK: Thanks, sir.
DLD: And Your Highness, may you return to your throne.
LYR: Thank you, Captain, but I have no homeworld to re-settle. After we overthrow the Emperor, I shall work with the Resistance to implement a republic based on the law of the people, not the will of one despot. This adventure has shown me the violence inherent in the monarchic system. A constitutional law by the people and for the people shall be our blueprint! Personal liberty and fiscal frugality shall be our motto! Ours shall not be a welfare state! A government that thinks it is above the law will ultimately fall to the will of its well-armed citizenry!
DLD: Yes,...I see you are the NRA.

Before the Princess could continue with her Buchanan-esque rant, Dildeaux hustled her and Luke onto the transport pad. When the all clear was given, they were transported back to the Centennial Sparrow.

DLD: God help us all if she succeeds.
BRF: Bah! A Klingon woman would not speak her mind so much! To a Klingon, power is taken from the powerful and kept for oneself!
DLD: Oh,...don't you star, Barf!
BRF: Sorry, sir.
DLD: What's the status of Updike's shuttlecraft?
BRF: One moment, sir. Georgi is reporting the ship is ready.
DLD: Tell him to launch at his mark. I'll be on the bridge.
BRF: Aye, sir.

On the Centennial Sparrow, Luke and Liyar took their places on the command deck. After getting the high sign from the Boobyprize, Han launched towards Vader's destroyer.

CHW: Arroor! Arr! Grrraww!
HAN: Yeah, Chewie, I don't like this set up, either! With Ben gone, I'll probably never collect for this.
LYR: Money? Is that all you can think of, Han?
HAN: Hey, Lady, I'm staying out of your messy little war. I've got bills to pay and mouths to feed, and getting shot at by Lord Vader isn't helping my profit margin!
LYR: If Vader succeeds, you'll be nothing but a slave to ever-increasing Imperial taxes! Your much-beloved "profit margin" will shrink until you'll be living hand-to-mouth!
HAN: Oh, spare me the neo-Libertarian bullshit! You're getting a kick out of this, admit it! You'd rather spend time dodging Imperial checkpoints with me than running this "republic" of yours.
LYR: I beg your pardon?? I'd rather kiss a Wookie's ass!
CHW: Ruuhhh??
LYR: No offense, Chewie.
CHW: Ro-o-okay!

Before Han could continue his witty banter with the Princess, the Centennial Sparrow's alarms began to sound.

CHW: Rooag! Rooarr!
HAN: I see it, Chewie! It's the Dark Helmet, Vader's ship, dead ahead!
LUK: Aren't you going to take evasive maneuvers?
HAN: Uh,...not quite this minute, kid. We've got time.

Han hemmed and hawed, fidgeting with several buttons when the ship was jolted with a sudden lurch.

LYR: Oh, Lord,...not again,...

(Don't sweat it, ma'am. I've gotten it right this time.)

Anyway, the ship was jolted with a sudden lurch. Luke and Liyar looked quizzically at one another. Over the P.A. system came the blood-curdling voice of Deaf Vader.

VDR: Haaaah! I've fin-aally caught you!
HAN: "Caught us?" Are you kidding? I'm here to claim my bounty on these two!
LUK: Han! You asshole!
LYR: I knew you were only in it for the money!
VDR: Verrry goood, Mr. Goooover. I ssee you are a loooyaaal citizen of the Empire.
HAN: Just doing right by His Holiness, sir.
VDR: Verrry welll. Prepare for a tractor beam to bring you on board.
HAN: I'll be waiting, Your Lordship.