Star Yecch! Wars Part 17

All eyes quickly turned to the doorway of Vader's chamber, drawn by the booming voice. A small, cloaked figure slowly entered the room. Vader, as well as Han and Chewie, lowered his weapon. Liyar turned towards the commotion and nearly fainted at the sight. Updike, not knowing any better, continued to train his weapon on Vader, who dropped to one knee.

VDR: Your Holiness! When did you arrive?
HAN: By the Gods, I never thought I'd live to see the day that I would come face-to-face with that prick!
CHW: Aaoors! Rittle runt!
HAN: Yeah, Chewie, he does look kinda small!

The Emperor continued to walk towards the awe-struck group, his face obscured by the black hood of his cloak. Troopers dropped to the ground in prostrate praise as he passed. Not watching where he was going, the Emperor tripped over the hand of one of the prostrate troopers, stumbling forward. Vader jumped up to catch him, but came up only with his cloak.

VDR: My liege,...what,..what is this??
LYR: Oh,..my,..GAWD! Look at that!
LUK: I don't believe it!
UPD: You're kidding me, right??

A dumbstruck Vader looked down to the floor in confusion. In the place of his beloved Emperor stood two small lab mice.

VDR: What manner of joke is this???
PNK: Uh-oh, Brain! They've spotted us!
BRN: Brilliant deduction, Pinky!
PNK: Poit! Narf!
VDR: Who are you? Where is His Holiness?
BRN: I'm afraid, masked stranger, that all of you have been the victims of an elaborate hoax.
HAN: What do you mean "hoax?"
BRN: This was all another of my attempts to take over the world! I couldn't succeed over at the WB, so I tried another of my well thought-out schemes over at Paramount. Since they are targeting the African-American demographic market, I thought it would be a cinch! All was going as planned until Pinky tripped over that guard!
PNK: Sorry, Brain! Now what do we do?
BRN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

With that, the two mice scampered off the set, leaving the assembly standing around with their mouths agape. Barf, having grown tired of waiting, beamed into the room.

BRF: Sir?
UPD: Barf! Stop the assault! This was all a big mistake!
HAN: I don't believe what I just saw!
LUK: You mean we've been fighting a made-up villain all along?
LYR: I'm afraid so, Luke.
VDR: Haaah! I have been swearing my allegiance to a pair of mice???
CHW: Rroofaa!
BRF: There is no honor in fighting an enemy of the mind!
LYR: Oh, well,...so much for my Libertarian utopia!
HAN: That may be so, Your Ersatz Majesty, but what do we do now?
LUK: How about we tell the Resistance that we vanquished the Emperor and everybody's free?
LYR: They'll never buy it, Luke.
BRF: We could try to pass it off as a bad dream.
UPD: It'll never work, Barf. The last time someone tried that, they incurred the wrath of the Comedic Integrity Division of the Intergalactic Revenue Service.
BRF: Yes, Commander. (shuddering) Klingons fear very little, but an audit by the I.R.S. sends chills through even the most battle-hardened veteran.
HAN: But all of this still doesn't answer my original question!
UPD: Well,...you know, Han, when we get back to our marketing venture, I know some hack Hollywood producers, George Lucas and Steven,...somebody. They're always looking for a good story. I'll refer them back to all of you. You could do lunch.
HAN: Sounds like a good deal to me.
CHW: Rooh-gurt!
HAN: Right, Chewie. We'll get Yogurt to broker the deal.
UPD: Great. I'll have my people call your people.

With that, the two groups picked up their respective belongings and parted company. Updike and Barf beamed back to the Anthrax. Once on board, they swiftly made for the Boobyprize. In the shuttle bay, Dildeaux waited to greet them.

DLD: Congratulations, Number Two! As well to you, Barf! Come, let's go over to 10-Backwards and you can fill me in!

The Boobyprize soon departed the Imperial space territory at warped,...er, warp speed. Over pints of synth-ale, Updike related his adventures to Dildeaux. Initially smiling over Updike's seeming success, Dildeaux's brow continued to furrow with every passing minute of his first officer's story.

DLD: So you managed to expose their Emperor as a fraud from the WB?
UPD: Yes, sir.
DLD: And you managed to broker a deal for the rights to their story?
UPD: With a few points for yourself included, sir.
DLD: Very good, Number Two. However, when did you plan on asking them how we could get back home, Number Two??
UPD: I,..uh,...
DLD: Updike, you fool!! Now what are we going to do??
UPD: Well, sir,...we can always live off the sequels.
DLD: Sequels?
UPD: Bad attempts to keep a good story line going, sir. But that's not important right now. Anyway, sir, picture it: Input can write the scripts; I'll direct the first one; Georgi will program the holodecks; Barf can do the casting,...

And so the misadventures of the U.S.S. Boobyprize continue.

When the sun has finally darkened,
And the stars have all blended.
You might eventually forgive me,
Foe how this story ended!

THE END



OK,....you can start laughing now,.....