Star Yecch! Wars Part 4

Meanwhile, on a desert planet, a young man tended to mending the sonar fences of his ranch when a large, aging ship flew overhead. Knowing what the ship signified, he dropped what he was doing and hopped into his sand skimmer. Moments later, he arrived at the main house. Bounding into the house, he bumped into an elderly man. Out of breath, he spoke:

LUK: Unc-uncle! Did you see? The, the droid ship is here!!
UNC: Yes, Luke, I did. Calm down, son. We have plenty of time to get there. They still have to clear customs.
LUK: Sorry, Uncle Tom. I'm,..I'm just eager to go to my first auction.
UNC: Ah-hmmm. SO eager, you didn't finish the fence, did you?
LUK: Sorry, Uncle Tom. I'll go back out and,...
ANT: And,...you'll do no such thing! Breakfast's ready, young man! There's little you can get done on an empty stomach.
LUK: Yeah,...sorry, Aunt Eetah.

Luke and his uncle made their way to the dinner table. After his aunt finished serving them, they settled into some small talk.

UNC: Did you hear about the Draggin's kid?
ANT: Long-Dong? What happened? is he hurt?
UNC: Naw,...nothing like that! Damned fool kid, up and ran off to join the Resistance!
LUK: Coo-oo-ol!
UNC: "Cool," my ass! Gonna get his keester shot off!
LUK: Gee, I'd like to help fight off the Emperor! Flying around, shootin' the bad guys! ROO-OARR! RAT-A-TAT-TAT!!
ANT: Luke!
UNC: Luke you idiot! Get them damn fool ideas out o' your head! I need you more tending to farm than the Resistance needs you fightin' a fool's errand!
LUK: But,...
UNC: But nothing! Dammit, Luke, it was thinkin' like that that got your parents killed.
LUK: Then,..maybe I'll go join the Knights!
UNC: The Knights??? They're extinct, you fool!
LUK: But what about "Old Ben?"
UNC: That drug-runnin' old coot? I think he's dipped into his own stock one time too many. (snorting) Thinks he's a Knight!
ANT: Enough of this foolish talk! Finish up and get to the auction! We'll be needin' good harvester drones for the season.
UNC: Yes'm, dear.

Meanwhile, in the Captain's ready room, Updike burst in from the bridge, interrupting Dildeaux's reverie.

UPD: Captain, good news!
DLD: What is it, Updike?
UPD: Well, sir, it's the opposite of bad news, sir.
DLD: Updi-i-ike! You're interrupting my Earl Grey-induced reverie.
UPD: Sorry, sir. We've located Input's ship, sir. It's on the planet we've been scanning.
DLD: (sighing) Very well, Number Two. Assume a high orbit and await further orders.
UPD: Aye, sir. Sir, is something bothering you? I'd thought you'd be happy about finding Input.
DLD: I am, Number Two. But this is,...a difficult set of circumstances. I am of two minds about how we should proceed.
UPD: Two minds? Uh-oh! Bridge to Sickbay: Doctor, you better get up here! The Captain's lithium is wearing off again!
CSH: On my way, Updike.
DLD: Dammit, Beverly! Belay that request! That, Number Two, was a figure of speech! I mean I wish to rescue Input, but following Starfleet protocol may, in this instance, violate the Prime Directive,..and how did you know I was on lithium?
UPD: I, er,...I...I better get back out on the bridge and get us into orbit, sir.
DLD: Updike!!

As Updike squirreled off to the bridge, Luke Spaceskipper and his uncle jetted out to the center of town and made their way to the massive droid vendor's ship.

Luke's uncle approached the chief vendor, a gnome-like man wearing heavy robes. Behind the vendor lay a large display of droids of various sizes. One peculiarly human-looking one caught his eye.

UNC: So, Dink-Dink, what are you going to shaft me with today?
DNK: Oh, Tom-human! Great and many are my wares this day! A droid you look for?
UNC: Several, actually. I need good harvesters. I've had a great planting season this year.
DNK: Oh, good! Good! Take look, you. Many to please, yes?

Uncle Tom made his way through the selection. Luke followed closely, studying his uncle's bartering skills, Eventually, Tom and Luke made their way to the droid that earlier caught Tom's eye. With skilled shrewdness, Tom began the dance.

UNC: This isn't your usual fare, Dink-Dink,...something new?
DNK: Yes, yes! Just, er,...'picked up' from other side of Imperium. Only one available, yes. Very rare, very expensive.

Tom and Luke both studied the droid carefully. Input, ever-careful not to breach the Prime Directive, remained impassive during their scrutiny. Seemingly satisfied, Tom turned to the vendor.

UNC: Name a price, Dink-Dink.
DNK: 20,000 I.C.
UNC: My hearing must be fading with age, Dink-Dink. I know I didn't hear you say 20,000 Imperial Credits!
DNK: You hearing fine! I say 20,000!
UNC: 20,000 will blow my entire budget. Surely, you can accept something less.
DNK: No, no. 20,000, firm. And not call me "Shirley."

Tome pondered for a moment before turning to Luke with a quick wink.

UNC: For 20,000 I.C., how about this droid and,...a couple of throwaways?
DNK: Fah! I not have 'throwaways!' All my stock good!
UNC: Right! And the Emperor was born yesterday.

The little droid vendor grumbled and pensive gestures before relenting.

DNK: OK. You win! Pick up after I sell "good" stuff.
UNC: Deal.

Tom and Luke watched the haggling go on for hours, until Dink-Dink was left with nothing more than a small, bettered servo-droid and a tall, officious-looking droid Tom recognized as a protocol Type II. The vendor finished his business, then brought all three droids over to Tom.

DNK: Here, here. All I got left. You take, as we deal, yes?
UNC: Hmmm. Not much of a "bargain' in this motley pack.
DNK: Oy! My reproductive organs! You are breaking them, yes?

Tom moved about, inspecting his purchases, letting the little loser sweat for a moment.

UNC: Alright, Dink-Dink. A deal's a deal. Let us draw out the papers over some ale.
DNK: Oh-h-h, yes! Ale,...good, good!
UNC: Fine. Luke, load these droids up and take them home. Tell your aunt I'm still doing business. I'll be back by sunfall.
LUK: OK, Uncle Tom.