Star Yecch! Wars Part 3

On the Imperial cruiser, Princess Liyar was roughly dragged into a conference room. Set free of the guards, she approached the high-ranking officer who had his back turned to her. She addressed him without preamble.

LYR: As nobility of the Empire, I demand an explanation for this treatment!!

The officer turned to face the princess.

TRQ: Considering, my dear, that your father has not sworn his support for the Emperor, your "royal' status us suspect at best and will afford you no grace on this ship.
LYR: Bran Muffin Tarq! I should have recognized your foul stench when I was dragged onto this ship! My father and my people will never capitulate to the Emperor!
TRQ: (sighing) Very well, my dear. My patience has worn thin dealing with "your people.' I'm afraid I'll have to turn this matter over to my superiors.

With a brief wave of Tarq's hand, the wall behind him folded away, revealing the command center of the ship. At its helm stood the black-cloaked figure of Deaf Vader. Liyar gazed at him for a moment, then took notice of the viewscreen behind him. She nearly fainted at the site before her. Vader turned and approached the princess.

VDR: Soooo, Princesss Liiyarr. We meet at laaasst.
LYR: Vader! You,...you,..monster! I see the Emperor has been forced to send his hearing-impaired lackey to do his dirty work again!
VDR: I preferrr "aurally deficient," but insults are beneath you. Do you recognize that structure on the viewscreen?
LYR: No,...not at all.
VDR: Coo-ome now, my dearrr. Do-oo not insult my intelligence.

The princess stood her ground, remaining silent.

VDR: Verr-ry well. The Empire has ways of dealing with insolence. This Genocide Star is His Holiness' latest method of ensuring allegiance. Do you recognize the planet to its left?
LYR: My left, or your left?
VDR: Huu-umor-rr,...it does you no justice. It is your home planet, Disinformatia. I will give you one last chance to persuade your father to decommission the Rebellion and get with the pogrom,...I mean, program.
LYR: Never!
VDR: Very well.

With a wave of his hand, several officers sprang into action. On the viewscreen, the Genocide Star was bathed with a greenish light. The light intensified, then finally burst forth in a stream of power towards the princess's planet. The planet glowed with the bombardment of the green light, then expanded, changing to an angry shade of red. Finally, the planet erupted, sending showers of hot sparks streaking across the cosmos.

LYR: NO-O-O-O-O!!! VADER, YOU BEAST!! The princess broke down, falling to the floor, sobbing. When she finally composed herself, she rose and faced the black beast.

LYR: What sort of man are you, Vader?? What possessed you to annihilate my people??
VDR: I aa-am driven by,...a powwwer greater than my own will.
LYR: The Schwartz?
VDR: No-oo-o. That would infringe upon another copyright. It is-ss,...something else. But never minds that no-o-ow. My need for you is over, Princess Liyar. Guards, throw her into an escape pod and release her. With luck, someone will find you,...NOT!

As the guards dragged the princess away, Tarq approached the commander.

TRQ: Lord Vader, what about the droid?
VDR: Hmmm?
TRQ: I said "WHAT ABOUT THE DROID?"
VDR: I was questioning your vague remark, not asking you to repeat it, Tarq!
TRQ: Sorry, my Lord. We found an old Type VII droid with the princess, sir. What should we do with it?
VDR: It is of no value to me,...dispose of it as you see fit.
TRQ: Yes, my Lord.

Mean while, on board the Boobyprize, the crew had settled into a routine of testing theory upon theory. As boredom crept upon the crew, Input suddenly broke in with startling news.

IPT: Captain, I-I'm picking up a sensor reading, bearing 070 Mark 20.
DLD: Can you identify it, Input?
IPT: Negative, sir. The ship is on the very edge of our forward scanners, sir.
DLD: Affirmative, Input. Ensign Yo, plot a course for that position, one-third IMpulse power.
YO: Aye, sir.
DLD: Barf, keep a constant scan on that reading. Keep me updated.
BRF: Aye, sir.

Several tense moments passed before Barf made an announcement.

BRF: Sir, it is a ship! Moving in our direction!
DLD: Very good, mister. Input, anything that matches the files?
IPT: Neg-negative, sir.
DLD: All right,...Ensign Yo: all stop. Barf, anything else?
BRF: Moderately sized,...weak life signs,..ion-drive powered.
IPT: Captain, the energy signature looks familiar.
DLD: In what way, Input?
IPT: Bio-mechanical energy signatures, sir. Several so far.
DLD: Androids?
UPD: Ion drive and artificial life-forms, sir? With those kinds of advancements, I don't think we'll have to worry about the Prime Directive.
DLD: Point taken, Number Two.
DLD: Input, forward screen.

The ship appeared as an unimpressive, rust-colored cockroach. Numerous burn marks scorched its hull.

BRF: Sir, weapons are powering up!
DLD: Shields up! red Alert!
IPT: We are being scanned, sir. High-intensity theta-band, sir.
UPD: Captain, the theta-band emissions will disrupt the warp core!
DLD: Understood, Number Two. Yo, full reverse, course 180!
YO: Aye, sir,......sir, the helm isn't responding!
DLD: Bridge to Engineering: Georgi, what's happening??
LFT: Those scans are dampening the warp drive, sir. I can't get any power through the converters!
DLD: Divert power from non-essential systems, LaFart!
LFT: Aye, sir.

Before the crew could react to the incursion, a beam of light appeared on the bridge. It circled the room, contacting several people before stopping at Input's station. The light grew brighter, blinding the crew. When the light faded, Input was missing.

YO: Captain, Input's gone!
BRF: Captain, the other ship is powering up its ion-drive!
UPD: We'll never catch them if they warp! We need to disable those engines before they get going!
BRF: Captain, I'm detecting Input's signature on board the ship.
DLD: Barf, quick burst phasers to their aft emissions exhaust.
BRF: Aye, sir.

Before Barf could enable the phasers, the alien ship warped away from them. Dejected, the Captain sank into his command chair. Sensing his dismay. Yo worked quickly at her station.

YO: Captain! I think we can still track them!
DLD: How, Ensign?
YO: Gas!
DLD: So, you're having trouble with Giaboni's cooking, too?
YO: No, sir. The ship's emissions are nothing more than charged gas! Their ion coils are,...failing, or misaligned, sir. My sensors are lighting up like a Roman candle, sir.
DLD: Affirmative, Ensign. Barf, plot a course following them
BRF: Aye, sir.
DLD: Updike, are there any inhabited planets along that course?
UPD: Checking, sir. Yes, one planet, 5.6 light-years from here. Mostly desert, sparsely populated, Class M. Tech level II.
DLD: Hmmm. A "backwater" planet. Very good, Number Two. Continue pursuing the ship. I'll be in my ready room, Number Two. You have the conn.
UPD: Aye, sir.