Deep Shit 69 - Chapter 3-1

STAR YECCH!! DEEP SHIT 69
CHAPTER III - TEARS OF A CLOWN

Special Guest Stars:
Roland Butter as Garbaj
Faye Dunaway-Withe as Kai Impala

STATION'S LOG STARDATE 9707.11 - I have met with the Kai and come away from my meeting with more questions than answers. The Kai has loaned me one of her "Tears of the Prophets" to study and my science team is readying a probe to launch into the gasshole. We approach this object carefully, as it has already "attacked" one of my crew with a psychic message.

Krisko returned from the medical labs with the Tear and entered his quarters. He was checking in on Jerk before returning to the Operations Center. He found him sitting glumly by a computer terminal, doing his homework.

KRS: Hi, Jerk! How was your first day at school?
JER: Aw, Dad, school sucks! These Majorans are light-years behind us in academics. I'm studying fourth-grade astronomics all over again!
KRS: I thought Mrs. O'Brien was teaching your classes?
JER: The Majorans haven't approved her credentials yet. One of the Reverend Mothers is teaching us until then.
KRS: Really,...? What's her name?
JER: Mother Mayii.
KRS: Well,..did you learn anything today?
JER: Yeah. We studied planetary masses today. Did you know that if you built a bathtub large enough to hold it, Saturn would float?
KRS: No,.I didn't. Bet that would leave a hell of a ring, though. (chuckle)
JER: Gee,..thanks Dad.
KRS: Cheer up, Jerk. Things will get better with time.
JER: Yeah, I suppose so. I miss Mom.
KRS: So do I, Jerk. So do I.

Letting the moment pass, Krisko went into his room to freshen up. He placed the Prophet's Tear on a desk and walked away. When he returned to the room, the Tear was glowing slightly and Krisko was filled with a sudden desire to touch it.

In a blinding flash, Krisko found himself in a what appeared to be Iowa, on a cornfield back on Earth. He heard soft music. A female voice whispered to him. He concentrated on the voice. It grew stronger as he listened more intently.

MLA: If you enter the hole, I will come.

It sounded remarkably like the voice of his recently-deceased wife, Marla. He listened again for it.

MLA: If you enter the hole, I will come.
KRS: Marla,...is that you? Where are you??
MLA: If you enter the hole, I will come.
KRS: Marla!!! Speak to me! She me your face!

As Krisko wildly searched his surroundings, the ground began to violently shake. Soon he heard the voice of his son, Jerk.

JER: Dad? Dad! Snap out of it, Dad! You're having a nightmare!

Krisko shook himself from his reverie and found Jerk trying to pry his hands away from the Prophet's Tear. He looked quizzically at his son.

KRS: Jerk, what happened to me?
JER: You came in here to clean up, then I heard you calling for Mom. When I got here, you were hugging that,..that "thing" for dear life.

Krisko found himself at a loss for words. As he collected himself, Odor, Justa and Dr. Bashful came running into the room. Dr. Bashful immediately scanned the commander for injuries.

ODO: Another attack from this,...this thing? I warned you, Commander, that this was a trap!
KRS: Odor, don't give me that "booby-trap" nonsense! It sent me a message.
JST: What did it say, Benjamin?
KRS: I heard my wife calling me into the gasshole.
ODO: A psychogenic trap. How typically Hardassian.
JST: Wait, Odor. The Commander experienced a vision involving a familiar figure, just as I did. But it appears he carried his farther along that I was able.
KRS: You think these "Tears" are a message from the other side of the gasshole?
JST: It makes sense. The Kai and her clerics make contact with the and interpret the visions as religious epiphanies.
KRS: Interesting, old man. Has the probe gone out yet?
JST: O'Brother was launching it when Jerk sounded the alert. Major Keepyer in monitoring the situation.
KRS: Good. I'll meet up with all of you as soon as the good doctor clears me.
BSH: Well, gosh, Commander. You don't have to call me "good" yet, sir.
KRS: A figure of speech, Doc. How am I?
BSH: Other than the usual signs of a good fright, golly, you're ready to go, sir.
KRS: Very good.

With a nod, the threesome left Krisko's quarters. The commander motioned to his son.

KRS: Thanks, Jerk. You saved my life.
JER: But, Dad,...what about Mom? Is she alive on the other side of the gasshole?
KRS: No, Jerk. She's not. That thing just used a vision of her to send me a message.
JER: I'm all confused, Dad! Mom...I,..I don't know!
KRS: After I get the report back from the probe, I'll try to explain it all, son. Until then, Jerk, read that book Mrs. O'Brother lent you.
JER: You mean "The Bell Curve?"
KRS: Yes, Jerk. It will explain why you don't understand much of what's happening.
JER: OK, Dad.

With things quieting down, Dr. Bashful decided to have lunch at Quirk's Place. As he sat down to a meal of Majoran stew and synthale, he sensed a presence standing behind him. He turned o find a Hardassian in civilian clothes standing next to him with a tray of food.

GBJ: Do you mind if I sit with you, Doctor? I've so wanted to meet our new neighbors for some time now.

Before Bashful could protest, the stranger sat across from him.

BSH: Gosh, sir, you have me at a disadvantage. You seem to know who I am, but I am at a loss to recall you from the station's records.
GBJ: I'm Garbaj. I run the tailor shop just down from here on the Boardwalk.
BSH: Garbaj? No rank or title? Are you a Gul or Legate?
GBJ: No. I'm just plain, simple Garbaj. And that stew would taste better with a little yarmulke sauce on it.
BSH: Thanks. Is that schlemiel stew?
GBJ: Ahhhh, yes! Quirk makes the best schlemiel stew outside of the Empire. It's one of the reasons I stayed behind after the withdrawal.
BSH: Yes,...getting back to that: how is it you are the last Hardassian on a base full of Majorans?
GBJ: I,..I had a business to run. The costs involved in relocating alone would have bankrupted me!
BSH: I,...see. Well, I hate to eat and run Mr. Garbaj, but I'm due at the Ops in fifteen minutes.
GBJ: Fine, Doctor. We must do this again.

Bashful left the bar full of excitement. He had made contact with a Hardassian spy! This could mean a promotion! He hurriedly returned to the Ops Center and approached Major Keepyer and Commander Krisko.