Deep Shit 69 - Chapter 6-1

STAR YECCH! DEEP SHIT 69
CHAPTER VI - JUST HANGIN' AROUND...
OR,.SWING LO, SWEET RUNABOUT!

Special Guest Stars:
Arthur Itis as Gul Ibble
Ima Schrew as Mediator Shapiro

SHIP'S STATION LOG, STARDATE - 9412.20: Major Keepyer Handsof, still acting commander and beginning to like it! With the help of the Federation Marine Corps, we have now lost Commander Krisko to the Hardassians, who have claimed the gasshole as their own sovereign territory. Because the Marine commander has his hands tied by regulations, our only real hope in getting Krisko back is through a long, tedious diplomatic process. Knowing Hardassian justice is swift, we hold out very slim hope in recovering the Commander alive.

In Krisko's offices, the station's senior staff brainstormed with the Marine contingent. After exhausting numerous plans, Colonel Moppett-DeFleur's expression lightened.

MPT: I've got an idea, major!
KPR: Do you mind sharing this synaptic burp with the rest of us, Colonel?
MPT: Why, of course! The Deflated has a "chameleon cloaking" device built into the sensors. We can alter the ship's sensor code to match a Hardassian ship of similar size and sneak a storm team in to rescue Krisko!
KPR: You mean to tell me that after spending the last four hours hashing out one failed plan after another, you just now thought of this?? Why didn't you think of this earlier?
MPT: Uh,...Captain Recks,...why didn't you think of this earlier?
RCK: Uh,...Lieutenant (j.g.) Brooke,...why didn't you think of this earlier?

All eyes turned to face the young officer. he shrugged, swallowed hard and spoke:

BRK: Uh,..aww, shit! Low man on the totem pole again!
KPR: Now that you're done passing the credit around, Colonel, how do you plan on using this cloaking device? And this better be smarter that your "Romulan Rabbit" scheme!

As the daring team worked out yet another plan, time closed in on Krisko as he was still interrogated by Gul Lattrek.

LTK: Krisko, I'm asking a simple question: "What did you find in the gasshole?"
KRS: Little green men from Mars!
LTK: Do not toy with me, Krisko! I'm your worst nightmare come to life!!
KRS: I doubt that. My worst nightmare is waking up and finding my penis missing!
LTK: Oh-h-h-h-h,..alright; then I'm your second worst nightmare come to life! Now, you can tell me what happened in there and become a singular casualty in this sordid affair; or I can kill you, then send out a reconnaissance team into the hole. The Majorans will resist and hundreds will be killed by your arrogance!

Krisko weighed Lattrek's words for a moment before speaking.

KRS: If the Obstinate Order knows all about me, why doesn't it know what's beyond the gasshole?
LTK: Don't be coy with me, Krisko! The Hardassians occupied Labia Majora for several years. We know all about the Majorans' fanatical belief in the "Prophets." What I want to know is this: are those Tears natural artifacts or messages from the other end of the gasshole?
KRS: I wouldn't know, Lattrek. I never made it to the other side!
LTK: is that so? What stopped you, then? The Prophets?
KRS: Hmmmm,...I don;t think you could call them that.
LTK: Then what would you call them? Give me a name!
KRS: I would think that was your parents' responsibility.
LTK: Arrrggghhhh!! I grow tired of this foolishness! Guards!! Escort the prisoner back to his cell!

As the guards dragged Krisko back to his cell, Lattrek obviously infuriated by Krisko's tactics, called out to him:

LTK: Krisko! All shall be revealed at your trial!! Then I'll have the last laugh!
KRS: Laugh at this, Lattrek! (Krisko flipped Lattrek the bird.)

Back at the station, the galactic gestalt finalized plans to invade Hardassia Prime and rescue Commander Krisko. As they prepared to break for some rest, Justa returned from her secondary assignment.

KPR: Justa, any luck going through Hardassian legal writings?
JST: Not very much. There's so little written on Hardassian legal precedent that I even had to bring in Kohnan to help me through the library.
KPR: You asked Kohnan?? Kohnan the librarian? I didn't even think he was alive down there!
JST: Well, when's the last time you went down to the library?
KPR: I,...I, uh,...can't remember. But that name is a hell of a stretch to go for a cheap laugh!
JST: Anyway, it unfortunately appears that Benjamin has little legal ground to stand on. Ever since the Military came to power, Hardassian civil rights have been pared down to "do as I say or die when I say."
KPR: Tell me about it! I lost half of my family to so-called Hardassian "justice!"
JST: Then you know what we're up against.
KPR: Any word from Starfleet?
JST: (sighing) By the time Starfleet files a complaint with the Hardassian Foreign Ministry and they, in turn, file with their Justice Ministry, Krisko will have been tried, convicted and hung.
KPR: Well,..as we seem to be out of options, I move that we commence with the Marines, ASAP.

The group broke up on that note and began to move to their respective positions. Justa, O'Brother, and a team of Majoran and Starfleet volunteers assembled aboard the Deflated for a final briefing with the Marine insertion team.

After getting the go-ahead from DS 69, the Deflated made way for Hardassian space. As the ship got under way and the crew began to settle into their stations, Justa looked over to see that Captain Recks was living up to his moniker of "nervous." She went over to him and engaged in some small talk to help calm him down.

JST: So,...Captain Recks, are you worried about this mission?
RCK: Nah,...the PsyCorps guys never install negative programs like that in us. This is just my first deep-space mission.
JST: Oh, I see. How long have you been with the Marines?
RCK: Just over two years. Most of that time I was in Officer's Training College, though. Once I got my commission, I was shipped out to Mars with the 12th.
JST: Well, having been through this a few times myself, I can tell you it gets a little easier with time.
RCK: That's cool. Beside, this beats stationing on Mars!
JST: Oh, really? In what way?
RCK: At least out here, I get to do what I was trained for. Back home, I just sat by the Martian canals, eating hot dogs and waiting to be mustered out. And,..thinking about my mother.
JST: Uh,...yeah! I've heard about your mother.
RCK: I spent a lot of my free time looking for her on Mars. Some of the locals told me to climb the mountains to search for her. I'd ask them "how high is a Martian mountain?" and the locals would always tell me "yes." Never got a straight answer out of those Martian bastards until I found Howhai Mountain, then I understood.
JST: Really? Well,..Captain Recks, I really do have to get back and help the Colonel. I'll talk to you later.

With the Marines on their way, the outlook was bleak for Commander Krisko. After his session with Gul Lattrek, Krisko knew he'd sealed his fate. The following morning, Krisko held a brief audience with Gul Ibble, then was led away to the chambers of Mediator Shapiro. Upon entering the hall, a crowd of jeering Hardassians met Krisko and video cameras flowed his every movement.

KRS: Jesus, Ibble! Is this a trial or a goddamned circus?
IBL: Both, Commander. As I explained to you earlier, you shall be made an example of to the Empire.
KRS: What about my rights under the Organian Treaties?
IBL: Oh, that? You Federation legal counsel should have an answer by next week.
KRS: But,...but, that will be too late! Can you ask for a continuance?
IBL: Hardassian justice has no precedent for such things, Krisko.