Deep Shit 69 - Chapter 2-1
STAR YECCH! DEEP SHIT 69
CHAPTER II - INTO THE HOLE
...or, Bring Lots of KY Jelly
Special Guest Star:
Faye Dunaway-Withe as Kai Impala
CHAPTER II - INTO THE HOLE
...or, Bring Lots of KY Jelly
Special Guest Star:
Faye Dunaway-Withe as Kai Impala
When we left our heroes,...not much happened because the writer was too goddamned busy setting up this stuff. However, Commander Krisko met a Majoran cleric who prophesied the Commander's future. Puzzled by the cleric's statements, Krisko and Lieutenant Justa Broad, his science officer, decided to visit the planet Majora and speak with the spiritual leader of the Majorans, Kai Impala.
STATION LOG 9309.16 - Commander Benjamin Krisko commanding. I have arrived at DS69, the Boobyprize has since warped away to their next assignment and I am already beginning to regret this assignment. These people are out of their frigging minds! Already, I find myself tasked with the duty of unraveling the words of a Majoran cleric. I must go to Majora and put an end to this mystery and perhaps gain insight into these strange people.
Aboard the runabout USS Adolph Hitler, Krisko and Broad approached Labia Majora.
KRS: Just, were you able to research anything more about this "Kai?"
JST: Her name is "Impala." She's of the Chevrolet sect - a very stringent branch of the Majoran religious sect. She's said to be quite understanding, but very zealous about her faith and about outsiders.
KRS: Great! A right-wing fanatic holds the key to this mystery!
JST: Right...wing?
KRS: An old Earth expression. Ever since Khan Noonian Singh destroyed Hollywood, the name became meaningless. Used to refer to defenders of truth, justice and familial bonds. Socialists from Hollywood smeared their efforts for years.
JST: Ohhh. I remember the old divides. Well,..by that definition, Benjamin, the Chevrolet sect is nothing compared to the Edsels. They broke away from the Phords but never gained public support. They...
Krisko was saved from another long-winded discussion by the proximity alert from Majora. In her previous incarnation, Notta Broad was a highly-educated man who was Krisko's mentor and helped shape him into what he was today. But even then, the Shrill's polemic ramblings bored the hell out of Krisko.
JST: Benjamin, the Majorans have given us clearance to land, but we have to wait until they bless the ground.
KRS: Some sort of religious act, I suppose? Make us ready to meet the Kai?
JST: Not really, sir. They state they are honored with a visit from the Emissary.
KRS: Me?
JST: You.
The runabout touched down in a lush meadow outside the Kai's abbey. The abbey itself was replete with trees, bushes, clear running streams and gardens of all sorts of designs. Krisko stared at the beauty of it all and of the stark contrast of this with the scenes of deprivation and squalor he had seen in the Majoran metropolises of Parvo and Anthrax. The twosome were led into a great hall decorated with icons and tapestries of great beauty. After being seated, they waited for what seemed an eternity for their host. When the wait seemed almost unbearable, the silence of the room was broken by the approach of a small gnome-like woman dressed in simple cardinal and purple robes. Without fanfare, she introduced herself.
IMP: I am the Kai, Impala. You honor us with your presence, Emissary.
KRS: I am equally honored, Kai. However, I am deeply puzzled as well. I came to seek answers from my meeting with your cleric.
IMP: Ahhhh,..that would be Veddek Nova. He is our dourick.
KRS: Yes, I could tell he was a dork.
IMP: (gasping) Amazing!!! What is it that puzzles he who knows all secrets??
KRS: That's just it, Kai: I don't know all!! And what gives with this "Emissary" nonsense?
JST: Benjamin!!
IMP: No need to apologize. The Prophets have not yet made his mission clear to him and this troubles his soul. I can tell that you both are great warriors and our beliefs preach peace. Therein lies the conflict.
The Kai appeared to go into a trance. When she reopened her eyes, she stared intently at Lieutenant Broad.
IMP: In you, my dear, I see archery. You come from a great line of spear makers. And in you, Emissary, I see slavery and that you come froma family of spear chuckers. Now, if you will excuse us, I must sit with the Emissary alone.
Justa was shown to an anteroom by several clerics-in-training and given refreshments. When she left, the Kai sat next to Krisko.
IMP: Before we begin, I must know your paah.
KRS: My Pa? I never knew him. He died more than a year before I was born.
IMP: Not your father, your paah. Your..."soul."
With that, she grabbed his right ear. Krisko let out a yelp of pain.
KRS: OUCH!! What was that, some sort of religious act??
IMP: No, dammit. You're sitting too far away from me. I was trying to get a closer look so I could see your face. I am near-sighted and I cannot afford a pair of glasses!
STATION LOG 9309.16 - Commander Benjamin Krisko commanding. I have arrived at DS69, the Boobyprize has since warped away to their next assignment and I am already beginning to regret this assignment. These people are out of their frigging minds! Already, I find myself tasked with the duty of unraveling the words of a Majoran cleric. I must go to Majora and put an end to this mystery and perhaps gain insight into these strange people.
Aboard the runabout USS Adolph Hitler, Krisko and Broad approached Labia Majora.
KRS: Just, were you able to research anything more about this "Kai?"
JST: Her name is "Impala." She's of the Chevrolet sect - a very stringent branch of the Majoran religious sect. She's said to be quite understanding, but very zealous about her faith and about outsiders.
KRS: Great! A right-wing fanatic holds the key to this mystery!
JST: Right...wing?
KRS: An old Earth expression. Ever since Khan Noonian Singh destroyed Hollywood, the name became meaningless. Used to refer to defenders of truth, justice and familial bonds. Socialists from Hollywood smeared their efforts for years.
JST: Ohhh. I remember the old divides. Well,..by that definition, Benjamin, the Chevrolet sect is nothing compared to the Edsels. They broke away from the Phords but never gained public support. They...
Krisko was saved from another long-winded discussion by the proximity alert from Majora. In her previous incarnation, Notta Broad was a highly-educated man who was Krisko's mentor and helped shape him into what he was today. But even then, the Shrill's polemic ramblings bored the hell out of Krisko.
JST: Benjamin, the Majorans have given us clearance to land, but we have to wait until they bless the ground.
KRS: Some sort of religious act, I suppose? Make us ready to meet the Kai?
JST: Not really, sir. They state they are honored with a visit from the Emissary.
KRS: Me?
JST: You.
The runabout touched down in a lush meadow outside the Kai's abbey. The abbey itself was replete with trees, bushes, clear running streams and gardens of all sorts of designs. Krisko stared at the beauty of it all and of the stark contrast of this with the scenes of deprivation and squalor he had seen in the Majoran metropolises of Parvo and Anthrax. The twosome were led into a great hall decorated with icons and tapestries of great beauty. After being seated, they waited for what seemed an eternity for their host. When the wait seemed almost unbearable, the silence of the room was broken by the approach of a small gnome-like woman dressed in simple cardinal and purple robes. Without fanfare, she introduced herself.
IMP: I am the Kai, Impala. You honor us with your presence, Emissary.
KRS: I am equally honored, Kai. However, I am deeply puzzled as well. I came to seek answers from my meeting with your cleric.
IMP: Ahhhh,..that would be Veddek Nova. He is our dourick.
KRS: Yes, I could tell he was a dork.
IMP: (gasping) Amazing!!! What is it that puzzles he who knows all secrets??
KRS: That's just it, Kai: I don't know all!! And what gives with this "Emissary" nonsense?
JST: Benjamin!!
IMP: No need to apologize. The Prophets have not yet made his mission clear to him and this troubles his soul. I can tell that you both are great warriors and our beliefs preach peace. Therein lies the conflict.
The Kai appeared to go into a trance. When she reopened her eyes, she stared intently at Lieutenant Broad.
IMP: In you, my dear, I see archery. You come from a great line of spear makers. And in you, Emissary, I see slavery and that you come froma family of spear chuckers. Now, if you will excuse us, I must sit with the Emissary alone.
Justa was shown to an anteroom by several clerics-in-training and given refreshments. When she left, the Kai sat next to Krisko.
IMP: Before we begin, I must know your paah.
KRS: My Pa? I never knew him. He died more than a year before I was born.
IMP: Not your father, your paah. Your..."soul."
With that, she grabbed his right ear. Krisko let out a yelp of pain.
KRS: OUCH!! What was that, some sort of religious act??
IMP: No, dammit. You're sitting too far away from me. I was trying to get a closer look so I could see your face. I am near-sighted and I cannot afford a pair of glasses!
posted by TheBitterAmerican at 10:17 PM
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